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... Bizzy Blue Hole 2009
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The captains meeting drag on. Lists are late. We are waiting for final results. Sun is going down. I am eager to go - I want one last dive. Tomorrow morning I might not find safetydivers for a deep dive. The party tonight will take its toll.

I take wide steps down to the pontoon stretching out into the bay. I see a few tiny figures still out there. Skip the suit I usually have during warm-up and swim out to the platforms in my neoprene swimtrunks. Sun is gone now. Its quite far out. My arms get tired.
I have no fins. I plan a FIM dive. Rob King is there, and Johan who today "lost" the swedes a bronze medal and canadian alternate Jenna who added 30 meters to her PB as a starter and inofficialy broke the Canadian DYN record (She turned at 150 and fought of an LMC). Davide is a shadowy head on the other line.

Darkness creeps in fast as the sun dissapears behind the reddish desert mountains in the distance. The watersurface is already black. Not inviting blue any more. I say to myself that it does not matter. I dive in scandinavian waters. Light is pretty gone down by 40 there.
The water in front of me might not be blue, but its luke warm and silent. Theres peace there.
I am afraid no one can wait to safety me so I skip warm-up, not even a short breathhold. I just breath deep for some minutes. It is a 75 meter line. I am determined to turn if I get warning signals. I wisper to myself as I breath: "Judgement Sebastian, Judgement". I am exploring my squeeze limits and I must be totally relaxed. 1 kilo neck weight, some extra 1 litre packing - of I go. Noseclip, no mask, I am beginning to get use to it. Even like it. I am intent on not opening my eyes until the surface comes back at me.
Down, down, down... I focus on keeping my legs dangling and relaxed. Arm over arm. Pushing up more air in the mouth now and then. An alarm goes of: "was it set on 30?" Dont remember. Probably. I can still bring up air. With a mask I usually cant at this depth.
Is the speed enough? Shall I stop pulling?

Oops a contraction - already. I stop pulling, hesitate on wether to have both arms behind or just one as I freefall. Strange, so many dives and I still havent decided.

The contractions are pulling at my mouthfill. Should I turn? I lost my footstrap while swimming out and my lanyard is now attached to my waist. Does the antiballast still work? How is it to be pulled up by the waist? Why am I thinking about this?
Is that the 50 meter alarm? Thats good. The Mares Nemo apneist has slightly higher sound than the D3. I realize my mouth is more or less empty. I turn feet down and continue to fall. Shall I keep the elbow like that? Relaxation or hydrodynamics? I make no choice, most things just happens during the dive. Should I turn? I wiggle my jaw opening my eustachians. Ears are fine. I try to look for sensations. Checking the lungs, the ears, the relaxation. No this is enough. My body is actually screeming for air and I am falling down into darkness, far away from life as I know it. I am such an idiot. I should have turned much earlier. Stop
I pull freneticly upwards, but realize that its not a good idea. I stretch out in long pulls. Surface some 60 + above. Open my eyes slightly and I see glittering lights. What is it. Phosfourus? My mind is shadowy. I close my eyes again and focus on sucking in against the noseclip. I need that expanding air. Black out is always a risk. I am actually surprised I am concious. Amazed at what I can do.
And there a shadow of a monofin, and another. I can safely blackout. But I try to expand my mind. I do not accept any shadows creeping in in my mind.
How deep have they met me? Will I make it? I sense the surface, some glittering of the moon, pull of the noseclip, let out my excess air from the packing.
Break the surface - I always do - even though I often doubt it. What a crazy sport. I hook. And again. And again. I take pride in always hooking more than enough, not caring if I need it or not.
Sense is coming back to me. Turn around the line and look for some imaginary judges that might have been on the platform, and feed them the SP. I am a winner. But also a looser. I swear. What am I doing? I get the urge to breath and I just continue down into darkness and pressure. Why do I do it? Look for life in a risky situation in the shadows. The only argument for being able to come back up again is that I have done it before. Not much of an argument. I look at the depthmeter on my foot. 2.43 and 70 metres. I feel fine. I feel great.

Its a magical feeling out there on the plattform. Sharing this moment under the moon with people who knows what I am doing - and why. Not much words are needed in this sharing process.

The results? The drama of the unfolding of the medals?
Who cares. Most made their dives, some did not. Some are happy, some are a bit dissapointed. It will all pass. Next time there are new winners, new loosers, new PB´s new dissapointments, new people redefining their limits, doing great things under pressure. New names but, same feelings. A Gathering of likeminded.
We learnt, we experienced, we lived a few days on this planet.
Now I am of to eat.

2008-09-11 19:53:45 | Sebastian
Erik Milles
One of your best texts Sebastian. //Erik
2008-09-11 21:53:04
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I really enjoyed the reading, great writing and awsome dive Zeb.
2008-09-11 22:34:34
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Sergey Orlov
Sebastian, thanks for that article. You could brightly express our inner thoughts and emotions...
2008-09-12 09:07:49
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great description of how it feels to dive...great writing!
2008-09-12 09:23:40
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Just tought that I was diving myself for a sec. great text!
2008-09-12 10:00:03
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Awesome text. Thank you. Thats why we doing it. Probably...
2008-09-15 15:19:04
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To let yoursefl take a leap off int the unknown is to lose yourself and to win knowlege about your capacity, great wrighten text and impressive dive, what swede will be the first to repeate that dive.
2008-09-18 01:40:15
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